Health Over All

Hi All,

I am back again! Thankfully Kelly has been updating you all on her fantastic journey with Matt. (So Proud *squee!*)

Anyways, I apologize for my absence. I had a lot going on just as Kelly was learning to balance work and life, I too was dealing with that. I have been struggling with my health overall recently. I am still making strides to eat well and exercise but what those mean to me changed recently.

I have been having a lot of mental health issues dealing with anxiety and depression. It is always difficult to explain how one feels with both of these because it is vastly different from person to person. For me, I lost the light happy feeling I had about life. I lost my ability to think rationally and positively. I became irritable, snappy, and moody especially with my family. I became withdrawn and lethargic. It was all I could do to get out of bed and go to the bedroom let alone take a shower.

At the same time, I was starting a new part time job to make some money while I look for my career and finish up some things here. The job is Starbucks. Nothing glamorous about that but its money. I was stressing about the job, about my family, about every little detail of life that I began having panic attacks regularly and during my second week of training I had to leave early and take a day off to get myself functional again. That's when I decided something needed to change.

I went to the doctor for a check up and told them about my anxiety and depression and the panic attacks. They gave me a depression test, looked at the results, their eyes widened and then they said, "let's talk medicine". I was so nervous to be put on medicine for this but I knew that I couldn't control myself anymore and I desperately needed help. I am now on anti-depression medication and it has taken a toll on my body physically as it does to all people who have to take it. Emotionally and mentally though, I feel a million times better! I am happy again, I am clear headed. I am not bogged down by emotions, stress, and pressure from my own worrying.

To me this is a giant step towards my overall health. I feel like myself again and I can finally have the energy to work towards my goals. These past two months have been really hard on me but I think things are starting to look up. I get decent exercise at my job now being on my feet 6+ hours but I miss lifting weights like I used to. The doctor said exercise helps with depression and anxiety so I am finding a balance so I can hit the gym again.

My only problem right now is my lack of appetite. Food is unappealing to me which if anyone knows me is crazy talk. I love food normally but on this medication it makes it difficult to want to eat. I have been doing well eating regularly but it hasn't been all the fruits and vegetables and protein like I would. I eat whatever sounds good and has calories since when I do eat it is little and infrequent. I have lost weight on this medication already from my mostly liquid diet. I am slowly trying to eat more solid foods but I think I will just have to take it one step at a time.

Either way, I am paying attention to my health, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I urge everyone to not just think about your physical health but all of it. It can affect so many parts of your life. Also, if you need anyone to talk to about anxiety and depression please feel free to send me a message. You are never alone. Thank you all for allowing me to share and continuing to read our blog! Till next time!

Manifesto

Hello All, 

This is an extra post this week because I wanted to share some encouragement for all of you women out there struggling with how you look, feel, or think. 

While I was in graduate school I took a class on feminism. It wasn't a bash you over the head with it kind of class. In fact, I learned a lot about myself as a women and I can only thank Dr. Buchanan for that one. One of our assignments in class was to write a manifesto. I wanted to share that with you all as well as a song that I think has a great message and goes together with my thoughts. For everyone out there, You are enough just as you are. 

Strong is the New Sexy Manifesto

Never tell someone your number.

Not the digits for future flirty contact like you’d think.

Not the “don’t talk to strangers” mom rule either.

No, it’s the number on the scale.

That dreaded machine that determines weight.

The one that haunters doctor’s offices since you came into this world.

You are supposed to be feminine, petite.

Women are small, delicate creatures.

Women don’t have shapes.

You should be a fluid line.

Lose some weight, fat ass.

Cut calories.

Cut carbs.

Diet.

You don’t fit-

The type every guy wants.

I’m curvy.

I’m husky.

I’m big boned.

Excuses.

Why don’t you look like the other girls?

They have no problem.

You just don’t try hard enough.

The secret to beauty is pain.

Just eat less.

Drink more water.

Give up sugar.

Gotta get that thigh gap or else you’re trash.

You’ll always be alone

If you don’t try.

Make babies, that’s your purpose.

But don’t look like you’re a baby maker.

Pretty girls are delicate.

You are not.

Feel comfortable in your body

Only if it looks a certain way.

We don’t like fat people.

Whatever happened to being yourself?

Whatever happened to health?

Whatever happened to different body types?

Who are you to say I’m fat?

Why do I have to be skinny?

What if I want to be strong?

Muscles make women bulky.

You will look like a man,

Or worse, a dike.

Women are supposed to need help.

Women are weak.

Be gentle.

Be fair.

Be lovely.

Don’t be yourself.

Don’t love yourself.

Don’t have confidence.

You’re disgusting.

Who would want to rape you?

Fat chicks aren’t rape-able.

Gross. 

Well I say we forget it.

Forget all this rhetoric

The things we’ve heard.

Fat shame

Morbidly obese

Body image

You are not defined by these things.

You are not a number.

You are a person.

Height

Weight

Pants size

Breast size

What does it matter?

Every woman is built different.

Every woman is beautiful.

Every woman is enough.

            Just as you are.

Love your curves.

Love your bones.

Love your smooth skin.

Love your cellulite.

Love your blemishes.

Love your imperfections.

Love yourself.

Because loving yourself makes you strong.

And strong is the new sexy.

Cosplay and Body Image

Good Day!

It is Monday again and that calls for another blog update! A few of you know that I am what is considered a giant nerd. I have lots of fandoms, ships, and interests. I like to participate in these fandoms as well. Every year in my hometown there are a few anime conventions that come about in different months. I've been going to these events since high school but in the last 3 years due to being an adult and being in another state for graduate school I have been unable to attend. This past week I finally had an opportunity to change that.

NekoCon 2010

This weekend was  the Anime Mid-Atlantic Convention in Norfolk. I was so excited I begged two of my dear friends to go with me. Since I have been out of the game I didn't have anything really to wear so I just put on my Totoro shirt and went to the con. Both of my friends have amazing costumes that they showcased and walked around in with me. One of my friends, Kayla even won an award for her work on her and her brother's costumes from D. Gray Man.

Kayla and Ryan Otakon 2016

Dressing up and wearing a costume to be a certain character is called cosplaying. I have only ever cosplayed one character and that was Bilbo Baggins because I am a Hobbit from my very soul. Even though I have only had one cosplay, that does not mean I haven't wanted to do so much more. The problem I face with cosplaying is my body type. For any one who has seen anything animated you know that the proportions of characters are always relatively skinny. I am not skinny. I am not shaped to be a toothpick either. So, cosplaying has always been hard for me. I haven't had any confidence in my body until recently so I never felt that I could really do anything except wear lots of layers and be a round, cozy looking Hobbit.

NekoCon 2013

As I walked around AMA I saw all of these beautiful cosplays of girls smaller, my size, and bigger than me. They didn't care what people thought of their bodies they were just happy to be dressed as some of their favorite characters. I got to thinking more about why I was uncomfortable with the idea and through some thoughts out to my friends. As the day went on I realized I shouldn't be so wary of cosplaying. I want to look like the character yes but it is much more than that. I need to think positively about my body and create a costume that will embody the character but also my confidence. Continuing on my journey to bettering my body, loving my body, and being healthy I am going to start to create costumes so that when NekoCon in November comes around I can believe in myself and enjoy the convention to its fullest. Cosplaying is a great way to show your love for your fandom, characters, and as I've learned yourself. With help from my friend, Kayla I am going to see what I can put together and where we can go from here.

Cosplay and conventions are not just mindless, weird entertainment; they can also be helpful in teaching you important lessons.

Excuses of the Mind

Hi All,

This past week was very difficult for me in terms of keeping to my goals. I did well with eating but I only made it to the gym once last week and swam in my pool only once. I have things available for me and all the time in the world to do them so why is it so hard to stick to it?

Well, I have found that committing to a fitness journey is not about physically being able to do anything. It is all mental. My mind makes excuses or comes up with a good argument for not working out or hitting the gym or not eating that vegetable. Everyone struggles with it. I would rather sit on my butt and finish the episode of Legion I'm on then get up and drive over to the gym for an hour. The thing that gets me is the guilt afterwards. I know I should go but I can't make myself sometimes.

I don't know if anyone else has that same problem but it is the reason I feel behind on my journey. Part of it for me is this state of limbo I am in. Fresh off of graduation, back at my parent's house, and nothing to look forward to currently other than the musings of everyday life here. Unfortunately, that leaves me feeling down and useless. When you feel useless, you have no motivation or drive to go exercise your muscles because your brain has taken over at that point. Each day is a struggle but it is not because I can't push my body to do the things I want, it is all my mind.

So I got to thinking, what are some ways I can exercise my mind and ease the transition in my life? How can I keep my mind straight to make sure I hit the gym, don't eat a whole pan of brownies, and stick to my goals in all aspects of my life? First off it starts with giving yourself some slack (but not too much to where you get lazy!) If you have a rough day, it is okay just start again tomorrow. Don't let other days guilt you or stunt your progress. Every step can be hard. Even if you are extremely dedicated there will be tough days and that is okay. You have to remember to pick yourself back up and continue heading forward. Don't let your excuses take over your life. Don't let your own mind talk you out of anything you are working towards.

I am my own worst enemy but also my biggest supporter. Every day is a fight but I just have to remember I am making progress no matter how small and will reach my goal. I've already come this far and I know you will make it too. So bring it on!

Size Measurements

February 8th 2016                   February 2017                     Current                       Goal

Weight: 257                                    232.8                               220                           180

Bra Size: 38 D                               38 C                                36 C                          34 B or C

Pants Size: 16-18                             16                                    14                            10-12

Clothing: XL                                     L                                M or L                          Sm or M

February 8th, 2016

I've created a chart to help show my measurements across the entire time I have been on this journey and to remind myself that I have come a long way already. My goals are in sight but I still have a ways to go. Every day is a struggle but keeping track of these things can brighten your day and make you see your changes. Every little bit helps.

I will update this chart regularly to keep my progress current.

April 2016, 2017

The Journey Begins Again

Hello All!

My name is Klaira Strickland and I am a recent graduate student in English. While at graduate school I took a huge leap and started focusing on my health as well as my studies. I started my journey February 8th, 2016. I had another blog where I tracked my progress with another friend but with our busy lives, crazy work load, and a lot of technical issues we gave up on it. I fell off the workout wagon for a semester because I was extremely stressed out but got motivated again through a dear friend. Now, another friend is starting her journey and I want to keep up with mine and stay accountable.

I have always struggled with my weight since I was younger. I got to a point where I just thought I was "big boned" and that I would always be big so I did nothing about it. I let myself go for lack of a better phrase and just dealt with it. I got larger as I matured and let it happen. I wasn't physically active like a lot of my friend group and would sit out of activities. I worked a physically demanding job at Total Wine over 2 years ago where I was on my feet a lot and lifting heavy wine boxes and beer. My body rebelled against me and I got severe sciatica in my left hip that rendered me unable to stand for more than an hour at a time. I went through physical therapy for 8 weeks and "managed" my pain thinking I would forever be broken. The sitting around and depression did not help my weight problems and I just continued to get bigger as time went on.

Moving across the country changed me in many ways. I got inspired and wanted to change my appearance as well as who I was. For a class project, I started my other blog. Starting small I got a gym membership at Snap Fitness and began my journey where I could only walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes at a time. I worked my way up to running and walking a 5K at my school and doing virtual races online through YesFit and the Hogwarts Running Club. After my break, I wanted to do something different. Cardio had burned me out and it was so boring. Eliza, a fellow graduate student and friend wanted to lift weights like she used to so she could tone up. We talked about it and she went a few times with me to Snap before she got a membership of her own. We lifted weights for the next 14 weeks 2-3 times a week. It was wonderful and the push I needed to get back into my health and fitness. I couldn't have done it without her.

Now I have moved back home to figure out my life from here and I have to find my groove again. After 2 weeks of searching for a gym and waiting for one to get back to me, my mom and I decided to get a family plan with the Y. My family have all been trying to be more healthy and get into a good workout routine. We are growing a garden with fresh herbs and veggies as well as sticking to our family plan.



At school, I would talk with Kelly during our recover nights from all the craziness of teaching and grad school. Her and her fiance, Matt have supported me from the beginning and were always there to listen to my struggles. Kelly told me how she wanted to work up to a 5K and I agreed that wherever I was in the world, when she was ready, I would do it with her. After sharing and talking more with her fiance and her we decided to start this blog together to help share our struggles, our successes, and support one another any way we can. With everyone banning together and Kelly and I documenting our progress, I feel much more confident that I can get down to my goal weight. When I started back in February 2016 I was at my max weight of 257. I decided not to weigh myself and chart my progress with small measurements and changes. I have since weighed myself when I started weight lifting and after 8 weeks I was 217. My goal is to get to 180 and be more muscle than I am fat. I am about halfway there so here's to another part of my lifestyle and fitness journey with Kelly by my side!

New Adventures, Old Friends

Hi everyone! I’m Kelly and, admittedly, new to blog writing. I’ve recently graduated with my Master’s Degree in English Literature, which is how Klaira and I met.  During our M.A. program, Klaira and I talked quite often about our various fitness goals, journeys up to that point, and the struggles we face sometimes.  Because of this, I’m really glad and touched that she approached me with this blog idea to document and share our different experiences towards engaging in more active lifestyles.

I’m pretty close to the very beginning of my fitness journey.  I’ve been doing yoga on and off for a while now, but nothing consistent and not a lot beyond that until now.  I’ll admit that a wide range of physical activity has always seemed to be daunting to me because of my size and build along with the fact that I have a few medical ailments that can make working out more of a challenge.

I was diagnosed with asthma when I was 8 years old and asthma attacks have been a regular part of my life since then. I’ve had each lung collapse spontaneously—one when I was about 9 and the other when I was 23—and I was recently diagnosed with Cholinergic Urticaria (I can’t pronounce it either, so no worries) which basically means my body treats physical activity like an allergy and I break out in hives from head to toe if my heart rate increases too much (Yes, I am actually allergic to exercise. Who knew?!).

While I’m on various treatments for these things, they have provided their own barriers when it came to getting physically active in the past.  I’ll probably discuss these, and other struggles, more as they crop up during this experience because, as my fiancé is regularly reminding me, “fitness is not a clean, upward slope, but a variety of successes, plateaus, and off days.”

I have no doubt that I’ll talk about Matt, my fiancé, a few times throughout this blog as he’s my running coach/buddy and veritable ass-kicker when needed.  

My goals for the time being are to do yoga more regularly and consistently while also trying my hand (foot?) at running. I have never run a mile under 12 minutes until recently and my goal is to, first, run a mile without stopping (no matter how long that mile time may be or how much I want to die while doing it) and, second, eventually complete a 5k all without breaking out in hives (at least significantly) or having a severe asthma attack. Yay! Goals!!

So, welcome to “Do Want Health” and thank you for following along.