Health Over All

Hi All,

I am back again! Thankfully Kelly has been updating you all on her fantastic journey with Matt. (So Proud *squee!*)

Anyways, I apologize for my absence. I had a lot going on just as Kelly was learning to balance work and life, I too was dealing with that. I have been struggling with my health overall recently. I am still making strides to eat well and exercise but what those mean to me changed recently.

I have been having a lot of mental health issues dealing with anxiety and depression. It is always difficult to explain how one feels with both of these because it is vastly different from person to person. For me, I lost the light happy feeling I had about life. I lost my ability to think rationally and positively. I became irritable, snappy, and moody especially with my family. I became withdrawn and lethargic. It was all I could do to get out of bed and go to the bedroom let alone take a shower.

At the same time, I was starting a new part time job to make some money while I look for my career and finish up some things here. The job is Starbucks. Nothing glamorous about that but its money. I was stressing about the job, about my family, about every little detail of life that I began having panic attacks regularly and during my second week of training I had to leave early and take a day off to get myself functional again. That's when I decided something needed to change.

I went to the doctor for a check up and told them about my anxiety and depression and the panic attacks. They gave me a depression test, looked at the results, their eyes widened and then they said, "let's talk medicine". I was so nervous to be put on medicine for this but I knew that I couldn't control myself anymore and I desperately needed help. I am now on anti-depression medication and it has taken a toll on my body physically as it does to all people who have to take it. Emotionally and mentally though, I feel a million times better! I am happy again, I am clear headed. I am not bogged down by emotions, stress, and pressure from my own worrying.

To me this is a giant step towards my overall health. I feel like myself again and I can finally have the energy to work towards my goals. These past two months have been really hard on me but I think things are starting to look up. I get decent exercise at my job now being on my feet 6+ hours but I miss lifting weights like I used to. The doctor said exercise helps with depression and anxiety so I am finding a balance so I can hit the gym again.

My only problem right now is my lack of appetite. Food is unappealing to me which if anyone knows me is crazy talk. I love food normally but on this medication it makes it difficult to want to eat. I have been doing well eating regularly but it hasn't been all the fruits and vegetables and protein like I would. I eat whatever sounds good and has calories since when I do eat it is little and infrequent. I have lost weight on this medication already from my mostly liquid diet. I am slowly trying to eat more solid foods but I think I will just have to take it one step at a time.

Either way, I am paying attention to my health, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I urge everyone to not just think about your physical health but all of it. It can affect so many parts of your life. Also, if you need anyone to talk to about anxiety and depression please feel free to send me a message. You are never alone. Thank you all for allowing me to share and continuing to read our blog! Till next time!

Manifesto

Hello All, 

This is an extra post this week because I wanted to share some encouragement for all of you women out there struggling with how you look, feel, or think. 

While I was in graduate school I took a class on feminism. It wasn't a bash you over the head with it kind of class. In fact, I learned a lot about myself as a women and I can only thank Dr. Buchanan for that one. One of our assignments in class was to write a manifesto. I wanted to share that with you all as well as a song that I think has a great message and goes together with my thoughts. For everyone out there, You are enough just as you are. 

Strong is the New Sexy Manifesto

Never tell someone your number.

Not the digits for future flirty contact like you’d think.

Not the “don’t talk to strangers” mom rule either.

No, it’s the number on the scale.

That dreaded machine that determines weight.

The one that haunters doctor’s offices since you came into this world.

You are supposed to be feminine, petite.

Women are small, delicate creatures.

Women don’t have shapes.

You should be a fluid line.

Lose some weight, fat ass.

Cut calories.

Cut carbs.

Diet.

You don’t fit-

The type every guy wants.

I’m curvy.

I’m husky.

I’m big boned.

Excuses.

Why don’t you look like the other girls?

They have no problem.

You just don’t try hard enough.

The secret to beauty is pain.

Just eat less.

Drink more water.

Give up sugar.

Gotta get that thigh gap or else you’re trash.

You’ll always be alone

If you don’t try.

Make babies, that’s your purpose.

But don’t look like you’re a baby maker.

Pretty girls are delicate.

You are not.

Feel comfortable in your body

Only if it looks a certain way.

We don’t like fat people.

Whatever happened to being yourself?

Whatever happened to health?

Whatever happened to different body types?

Who are you to say I’m fat?

Why do I have to be skinny?

What if I want to be strong?

Muscles make women bulky.

You will look like a man,

Or worse, a dike.

Women are supposed to need help.

Women are weak.

Be gentle.

Be fair.

Be lovely.

Don’t be yourself.

Don’t love yourself.

Don’t have confidence.

You’re disgusting.

Who would want to rape you?

Fat chicks aren’t rape-able.

Gross. 

Well I say we forget it.

Forget all this rhetoric

The things we’ve heard.

Fat shame

Morbidly obese

Body image

You are not defined by these things.

You are not a number.

You are a person.

Height

Weight

Pants size

Breast size

What does it matter?

Every woman is built different.

Every woman is beautiful.

Every woman is enough.

            Just as you are.

Love your curves.

Love your bones.

Love your smooth skin.

Love your cellulite.

Love your blemishes.

Love your imperfections.

Love yourself.

Because loving yourself makes you strong.

And strong is the new sexy.