One Step At A Time

Hi All,

There was another break in our regularly scheduled updates unfortunately. I apologize for the lack of updates but I have a good reason for it.

I have just recently been diagnosed with both mental illness and an autoimmune disease. I had no idea and it explains a lot about what I have been feeling the last 2 years. I have an autoimmune disease called Sjogren's syndrome. The short of it is my white blood cells are attacking my saliva glands and joints. I have mild symptoms right now but all of the muscle and joint aches are caused by this. Explains why I have trouble getting myself moving some mornings.

Anyways, it has been a rough road for me the past couple months. I have felt sicker than I ever have before in the worst "I am sorta functioning" way. Sleeping is a chore because I am either sleeping way too much or have severe insomnia. My body hurts and I get headaches a lot more than I ever have. All of this combined with my mental illness and struggles with that are making life very difficult.

But on a more positive note, I am working for a company I love doing something rewarding that has a flexible schedule. I am getting answers and better at managing things everyday. I have great friends all over the world who support and love me and some who are trying to get me my dream job. Kelly has always been an ear and sends me encouraging messages that help me more than she knows. Her journey is still going strong and I love seeing updates from her. She is very busy these days too with her grown up job and getting married to the love of her life. We have both missed out on a few posts but we hope you readers are still interested in our crazy lives.

I now have a schedule where I have enough energy to go back to the gym so I will see how I do with that in the coming week. I also am seeing a rheumatologist soon to figure out where I can go from here. Thank you everyone for being patient and keeping up with our blog! Hopefully, we will be here more often once again!

Manifesto

Hello All, 

This is an extra post this week because I wanted to share some encouragement for all of you women out there struggling with how you look, feel, or think. 

While I was in graduate school I took a class on feminism. It wasn't a bash you over the head with it kind of class. In fact, I learned a lot about myself as a women and I can only thank Dr. Buchanan for that one. One of our assignments in class was to write a manifesto. I wanted to share that with you all as well as a song that I think has a great message and goes together with my thoughts. For everyone out there, You are enough just as you are. 

Strong is the New Sexy Manifesto

Never tell someone your number.

Not the digits for future flirty contact like you’d think.

Not the “don’t talk to strangers” mom rule either.

No, it’s the number on the scale.

That dreaded machine that determines weight.

The one that haunters doctor’s offices since you came into this world.

You are supposed to be feminine, petite.

Women are small, delicate creatures.

Women don’t have shapes.

You should be a fluid line.

Lose some weight, fat ass.

Cut calories.

Cut carbs.

Diet.

You don’t fit-

The type every guy wants.

I’m curvy.

I’m husky.

I’m big boned.

Excuses.

Why don’t you look like the other girls?

They have no problem.

You just don’t try hard enough.

The secret to beauty is pain.

Just eat less.

Drink more water.

Give up sugar.

Gotta get that thigh gap or else you’re trash.

You’ll always be alone

If you don’t try.

Make babies, that’s your purpose.

But don’t look like you’re a baby maker.

Pretty girls are delicate.

You are not.

Feel comfortable in your body

Only if it looks a certain way.

We don’t like fat people.

Whatever happened to being yourself?

Whatever happened to health?

Whatever happened to different body types?

Who are you to say I’m fat?

Why do I have to be skinny?

What if I want to be strong?

Muscles make women bulky.

You will look like a man,

Or worse, a dike.

Women are supposed to need help.

Women are weak.

Be gentle.

Be fair.

Be lovely.

Don’t be yourself.

Don’t love yourself.

Don’t have confidence.

You’re disgusting.

Who would want to rape you?

Fat chicks aren’t rape-able.

Gross. 

Well I say we forget it.

Forget all this rhetoric

The things we’ve heard.

Fat shame

Morbidly obese

Body image

You are not defined by these things.

You are not a number.

You are a person.

Height

Weight

Pants size

Breast size

What does it matter?

Every woman is built different.

Every woman is beautiful.

Every woman is enough.

            Just as you are.

Love your curves.

Love your bones.

Love your smooth skin.

Love your cellulite.

Love your blemishes.

Love your imperfections.

Love yourself.

Because loving yourself makes you strong.

And strong is the new sexy.

Cosplay and Body Image

Good Day!

It is Monday again and that calls for another blog update! A few of you know that I am what is considered a giant nerd. I have lots of fandoms, ships, and interests. I like to participate in these fandoms as well. Every year in my hometown there are a few anime conventions that come about in different months. I've been going to these events since high school but in the last 3 years due to being an adult and being in another state for graduate school I have been unable to attend. This past week I finally had an opportunity to change that.

NekoCon 2010

This weekend was  the Anime Mid-Atlantic Convention in Norfolk. I was so excited I begged two of my dear friends to go with me. Since I have been out of the game I didn't have anything really to wear so I just put on my Totoro shirt and went to the con. Both of my friends have amazing costumes that they showcased and walked around in with me. One of my friends, Kayla even won an award for her work on her and her brother's costumes from D. Gray Man.

Kayla and Ryan Otakon 2016

Dressing up and wearing a costume to be a certain character is called cosplaying. I have only ever cosplayed one character and that was Bilbo Baggins because I am a Hobbit from my very soul. Even though I have only had one cosplay, that does not mean I haven't wanted to do so much more. The problem I face with cosplaying is my body type. For any one who has seen anything animated you know that the proportions of characters are always relatively skinny. I am not skinny. I am not shaped to be a toothpick either. So, cosplaying has always been hard for me. I haven't had any confidence in my body until recently so I never felt that I could really do anything except wear lots of layers and be a round, cozy looking Hobbit.

NekoCon 2013

As I walked around AMA I saw all of these beautiful cosplays of girls smaller, my size, and bigger than me. They didn't care what people thought of their bodies they were just happy to be dressed as some of their favorite characters. I got to thinking more about why I was uncomfortable with the idea and through some thoughts out to my friends. As the day went on I realized I shouldn't be so wary of cosplaying. I want to look like the character yes but it is much more than that. I need to think positively about my body and create a costume that will embody the character but also my confidence. Continuing on my journey to bettering my body, loving my body, and being healthy I am going to start to create costumes so that when NekoCon in November comes around I can believe in myself and enjoy the convention to its fullest. Cosplaying is a great way to show your love for your fandom, characters, and as I've learned yourself. With help from my friend, Kayla I am going to see what I can put together and where we can go from here.

Cosplay and conventions are not just mindless, weird entertainment; they can also be helpful in teaching you important lessons.

Excuses of the Mind

Hi All,

This past week was very difficult for me in terms of keeping to my goals. I did well with eating but I only made it to the gym once last week and swam in my pool only once. I have things available for me and all the time in the world to do them so why is it so hard to stick to it?

Well, I have found that committing to a fitness journey is not about physically being able to do anything. It is all mental. My mind makes excuses or comes up with a good argument for not working out or hitting the gym or not eating that vegetable. Everyone struggles with it. I would rather sit on my butt and finish the episode of Legion I'm on then get up and drive over to the gym for an hour. The thing that gets me is the guilt afterwards. I know I should go but I can't make myself sometimes.

I don't know if anyone else has that same problem but it is the reason I feel behind on my journey. Part of it for me is this state of limbo I am in. Fresh off of graduation, back at my parent's house, and nothing to look forward to currently other than the musings of everyday life here. Unfortunately, that leaves me feeling down and useless. When you feel useless, you have no motivation or drive to go exercise your muscles because your brain has taken over at that point. Each day is a struggle but it is not because I can't push my body to do the things I want, it is all my mind.

So I got to thinking, what are some ways I can exercise my mind and ease the transition in my life? How can I keep my mind straight to make sure I hit the gym, don't eat a whole pan of brownies, and stick to my goals in all aspects of my life? First off it starts with giving yourself some slack (but not too much to where you get lazy!) If you have a rough day, it is okay just start again tomorrow. Don't let other days guilt you or stunt your progress. Every step can be hard. Even if you are extremely dedicated there will be tough days and that is okay. You have to remember to pick yourself back up and continue heading forward. Don't let your excuses take over your life. Don't let your own mind talk you out of anything you are working towards.

I am my own worst enemy but also my biggest supporter. Every day is a fight but I just have to remember I am making progress no matter how small and will reach my goal. I've already come this far and I know you will make it too. So bring it on!

Size Measurements

February 8th 2016                   February 2017                     Current                       Goal

Weight: 257                                    232.8                               220                           180

Bra Size: 38 D                               38 C                                36 C                          34 B or C

Pants Size: 16-18                             16                                    14                            10-12

Clothing: XL                                     L                                M or L                          Sm or M

February 8th, 2016

I've created a chart to help show my measurements across the entire time I have been on this journey and to remind myself that I have come a long way already. My goals are in sight but I still have a ways to go. Every day is a struggle but keeping track of these things can brighten your day and make you see your changes. Every little bit helps.

I will update this chart regularly to keep my progress current.

April 2016, 2017

New Adventures, Old Friends

Hi everyone! I’m Kelly and, admittedly, new to blog writing. I’ve recently graduated with my Master’s Degree in English Literature, which is how Klaira and I met.  During our M.A. program, Klaira and I talked quite often about our various fitness goals, journeys up to that point, and the struggles we face sometimes.  Because of this, I’m really glad and touched that she approached me with this blog idea to document and share our different experiences towards engaging in more active lifestyles.

I’m pretty close to the very beginning of my fitness journey.  I’ve been doing yoga on and off for a while now, but nothing consistent and not a lot beyond that until now.  I’ll admit that a wide range of physical activity has always seemed to be daunting to me because of my size and build along with the fact that I have a few medical ailments that can make working out more of a challenge.

I was diagnosed with asthma when I was 8 years old and asthma attacks have been a regular part of my life since then. I’ve had each lung collapse spontaneously—one when I was about 9 and the other when I was 23—and I was recently diagnosed with Cholinergic Urticaria (I can’t pronounce it either, so no worries) which basically means my body treats physical activity like an allergy and I break out in hives from head to toe if my heart rate increases too much (Yes, I am actually allergic to exercise. Who knew?!).

While I’m on various treatments for these things, they have provided their own barriers when it came to getting physically active in the past.  I’ll probably discuss these, and other struggles, more as they crop up during this experience because, as my fiancé is regularly reminding me, “fitness is not a clean, upward slope, but a variety of successes, plateaus, and off days.”

I have no doubt that I’ll talk about Matt, my fiancé, a few times throughout this blog as he’s my running coach/buddy and veritable ass-kicker when needed.  

My goals for the time being are to do yoga more regularly and consistently while also trying my hand (foot?) at running. I have never run a mile under 12 minutes until recently and my goal is to, first, run a mile without stopping (no matter how long that mile time may be or how much I want to die while doing it) and, second, eventually complete a 5k all without breaking out in hives (at least significantly) or having a severe asthma attack. Yay! Goals!!

So, welcome to “Do Want Health” and thank you for following along.